Im Rahmen meiner üblichen ziel- und zügellosen Surferei habe ich neulich eine Perle mit ganz besonderem Lüster aufgetan. The Onion, eine wunderbare Nachrichtenquelle, der allerhöchstens noch die Daily Show mit Jon Stewart das Wasser reichen kann, berichtet uns Folgendes:

Pantene Markets New Shampoo As Best For Masturbating Boyfriend In Shower
CINCINNATI—In an attempt to capture a wider share of the marketplace, the Procter & Gamble corporation launched a campaign Monday to rebrand its popular Pro-V line of shampoos as the leading hair-care product for women with dry, brittle hair who also wish to manually bring their boyfriends to climax while showering.

The affordable shampoo promises salon-quality looks and a frictionless orgasm.

„In addition to providing women with a luxuriant head of shiny, healthy hair, our new Pantene Pro-V2 line is ideal for vigorously working that special someone’s member without the soreness and discomfort caused by other shampoos,“ spokeswoman Karen Radcliffe said. „With 20 percent more of the moisture-rich ingredients found in the original Pro-V formula, your hair will always look great, and his penis will never get dried out or chafed.“

(…)

„If you have difficult-to-manage hair and a two-hander to contend with, Pantene Pro-V2 has got you covered,“ Radcliffe said.

(…)

„Pantene Pro-V2’s hypoallergenic formula prevents the penile swelling and itching that can be caused by Herbal Essences and other shampoos with heavy botanicals,“ Jablonski said. „Additionally, there is none of the nasty burning sensation associated with medicated dandruff shampoos such as Head & Shoulders.“

(…)

Tja. Penile swelling ist ja weiß Gott das Letzte was man haben will, wenn man grad mit einer Hand die Haare wäscht und mit der anderen Hand dem Freund/Mann/Geliebten einen runterholt.

Den kompletten Bericht findet ihr hier bei The Onion: Pantene Markets New Shampoo As Best For Masturbating Boyfriend In Shower.

Ich finde, die nennen sich zu Recht America’s Finest News Source. Furchtloser Journalismus ist das, Kinder.

Bild: morguefile